CuppaGemma

“To maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant …” Stephen Colbert

When the amount of effort you need to spend to rationalize to yourself that, this is “okay” exceeds the amount of effort you would spend on solving the problem, it’s time to move on and step away.

We can only rationalize so long and so far, that if only we tried a little harder and did a little better things will improve. But this is not Mike Mulligan and Mary Anne. They were a team who worked together, and in end helped all the folks in Popperville with their town hall.

The awareness and acceptance that a position is untenable means that you know systemically something is broken and further instead of helping hands to change a tough situation to a hopeful one– there is finger wagging, cover your cooley speeches and a discounting of both the issue or the accountability and the actual scope of the problem.

Divorce can be like that. You are supposed to work things out. For a lot of different becauses. Then you have two people who can have wildly different interpretations on what is broke, how to fix it and why it all got to the point it is.

But ultimately you have something that lacks friendship and a willingness to give hope bones.

The same can be said of a job or a company. Because all we are really is the relationships we have with people when you boil it down.

And if at the root of concern is a lack of trust and an unwillingness to be honest, then you either decide to numb yourself with bland pleasantries and count the hours to being somewhere else. You work hard at not noticing reality.  Maybe there is some salve in petty nastiness, but like too much tequila at the bar, that wears off pretty soon and then you feel sick.

Very hard, so hard you lose track of the story you tell yourself on why this is working and is within the scope of normalcy. You whitewash comments and commentary to your friends and family. It’s easier that way.

Or you take steps to cleave yourself out of the situation before it starts to bring you down too. Having experience both ends of the equation (rationalization and candidness), and in the context of divorce and work, I have found it’s much easier start over. The precise moment when the string snaps and actions get taken is another post. Because thoughts need to be actions not only late night ceiling stares. And how you do that cannot be reduced to bullet points.

It’s a private folding of hand where you quit the game. No pomp and circumstance.

Just, I’ve had enough and good night.