CuppaGemma

“You can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat people they no longer need.” My grandmother would often tell me this, though I don’t know whether it’s fair to attribute the quote to her directly.

“When you trust someone it’s good, it’s very very good. But when you don’t, it’s even better.” My father’s friend a machinist has told me this with the same degree of frequency as Gram would the above.

We could consider their advice like opposite ends of a see saw with the fulcrum of reality shifting left or right depending on the moment and folks involved. It is perhaps a sad commentary on our society to realize how disposable we view people, their skills and their contributions.

“Always talk with people.”

My mom embodied that one and the door to her office was always open. She transcended silos by welcoming folks as equals and always having coffee and cookies on hand. She taught me the value of building relationships because she was authentic in her caring.You don;t have conversations because ten minutes of listening to someone blather about stress at home will get them to work harder or do something for you. You listen because people matter.  Just to listen, not to judge. It is the person, not their status that you pay attention to.

The value of listening and of treating others with respect are often forgotten.

We are caught up in he said she said nonsense, or in powerplay games where the object of desire has no value and even lacks sense to an outside observer. These are ongoing lessons that as adults we deal with much like volume on the Van Wyck. It’s just there and you need to get to the Whitestone Bridge. As a parent it’s a brown sigh.

Well guys, I’m not going to molly coddle you into a lovely image where everyone is good and the story always has a happy ending. Things happen. We must deal with it. We’re not in Tokyo anymore.

So how do you model? What route do you show?

Unlike a school semester where you can have lead time to plan and prepare what you will teach and when, this is live stage with no rehearsal and plenty of interruptions. Sometimes the result is a headache.  Or you feel inept since the tick list of items to deal with is increasing exponentially and the check list while long doesn’t have the substantive impact you would like.

That’s when you throw the tallies out the window. You sit down with people and talk.

Doesn’t solve things per se, but it takes the brunt of hurt away. And sometimes it makes the huge problems reduce to little gnats that are only inconvenient irrations that can’t follow you when you keep walking.